Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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