She went from zero to smokin in five shots
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
