Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
