I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
