i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
