ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
