Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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