she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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