Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
