Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
