I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
