chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
