All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
