just come out here and I will go home with you...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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