it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
