i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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