I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my shit smells like andre
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
