haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
