if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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