Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
birth control should be required to get into college
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
