I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
