i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
