Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize