i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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