So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize