i just had sex bonerless
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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