You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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