Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
