You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My liver just had a heart attack.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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