Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
There are leaves in my underwear?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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