i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
