Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
