I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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