Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize