Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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