I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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