It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
They have beer where we have blood.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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