For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
3pm strippers are depressing
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
