New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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