I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
