the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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