soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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