Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
