I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
