I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
