my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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