im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
