new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How external is "for external use only"?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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