never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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