I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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