did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize