Christians are straight up FREAKS
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
