Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
