It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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