All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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