Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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