his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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