Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
