At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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