Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
